The Taboo Words: Submit and Obey (Part 2)

Our society believes that if you are not the one in authority over a group of people, you are disposable and therefore less important. The boss of a company is treated with the utmost respect while the entry level employee is treated with disdain. If you are serving rather than being served, you are worthless. When America bought into this lie women were viewed as “less important” than men; they were seen as weak, unintelligent, and replaceable. Feminists worked hard to react against these lies by proving to men that they could do all the things men could do, sometimes even better. It is far from Biblical for a servant to be seen as unimportant or for a woman to be viewed as anything less than a priceless treasure. God’s Word also says those in a position of authority have the final say, but they should not arrogantly reign over those following them; they support, guide, and serve those on their team. This idea of humbly leading and submitting is a picture of the Trinity and is our model for marriage as well.

How the Trinity functions:

God the Father has the ultimate authority over everything. It is by His grace and will that we even breathe. Although God has the final say, it is possible for Him to change His mind if requested of Him. Some people might be upset at me for saying this, for they believe God is unchanging in every meaning of the word and the future is set in stone. I, however, do not believe our destinies are set and I believe through prayer and intercession God will allow us to change lives. Just read Genesis 18:17-33 for an astonishing account of Abraham’s intercession on behalf of the Sodomites.

Jesus the Son submits to His Father’s will in perfect obedience. Everything He does is in accordance with His Father’s will, as He says often throughout the Gospels. In Matthew 28:18 Jesus says, “All authority has been given to me in Heaven and on Earth.” Clearly Jesus is not less important than God (indeed they are the same God!), but Jesus understands and respects that He is to follow the Will of the Father. Jesus is also an example of a servant-leader, one who has authority but chooses to wield it for the benefit of his people rather than for self-gain. He models humble leading for the disciples when He washes their feet. If God will humble Himself to wash a sinner’s feet, surely a woman can humble herself to submit to a worthy man!

The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of God residing in Christians, and therefore cleanses the soul of sin and instructs Believers in how to walk a Christ-driven life. The Holy Spirit also changes the hearts of non-believers so that they will be led to God and ultimately submit to His Will. I think of the Spirit as carrying out the Will of the Father by interceding on our behalf, as stated in Romans 8:26.

There is perfect harmony within the Trinity. The Godhead actively models leadership, submission, and intercession. Jesus submits to God, yet Jesus is equally important as God. That is because God is Triune; three persons but one being. Likewise, when a man and woman marry they become one person, or one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Let us see what the Bible has to say about submission and authority between a man and his wife.

Controversial Bible passages:
Ephesians 5:22-33 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

1 Corinthians 7:3-4 3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

Colossians 3:18-19 18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

People tend to concentrate only on the “wives submit to your own husbands” and less on the requirements for the men. Many think it unfair that a woman should sit back silently and allow the male to make all of the decisions. But that’s the problem: that is not what submission means! Submission is a beautiful act of respect; it means that the one submitting has complete faith in the abilities of the leader -- it is the decision to honor the judgment of the leader. It does not mean that the one submitting does not get to help make decisions, does not get to disagree, and is unequal in terms of importance. Jesus submits to God and is not any less important than God.

Women are basically instructed to trust their men, honor them, and respect their God-given authority. If the husband is a man of God, there should be no problems with this. Why would any woman be upset with a man who loved her like his own body, was never bitter toward her, and protects her against evil forces? This does not sound like a bad deal to me! It sounds like a perfect and romantic relationship, one that is modeled by God Himself.

Many of you are probably protesting by now with “but men don’t act like this! So why should we submit to them?” If you are an unmarried woman, do not get involved with a man who does not follow Christ. A man who does not submit to Christ is not worth submitting to. He will not cherish you the way Christ would, he will not selflessly give of himself for your sake, and he will not encourage you to make yourself spotless in Christ’s eyes. How could he when he worships sin rather than God?

If you are married to an unbeliever, I recommend you read this Bible passage: 1 Peter 3:1-7 1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

Whether he is a Christian or not, you must still obey him. It is possible he will see the light of Christ in you and become a believer, as 1 Peter says. Just remember that God’s authority comes first, no matter what earthly authority you are under. If your father or husband demands that you do something God would not approve of, you are required to obey God rather than a man. If your husband or father abuses you and your family members, you are not required to stay put and hope that he will one day turn into a Christian. Protect yourself and your family, and go get help. I would never recommend divorce, but separation is permissible in situations like adultery or abuse.

My next blog will discuss what the ideal, Christian marriage should look like. It is possible for a man to cherish his wife and for a wife to lovingly submit to his will. It is possible for a man to use his authority to be a servant for his wife rather than a chauvinist tyrant. It is possible for a woman to be happy that her capable husband and teammate has the final say. For nothing is impossible with God, especially if He demands it of us!