Effects of the Media: Part 2 -- Warped Love and Sexuality

Love is such an expansive topic, I cannot possibly hope to penetrate all of its amazing qualities in one blog. I will concentrate on the way the media twisted the idea and definition of love into lust. For simplicity's sake I will define love based off of 1 Corinthians 13. When I say "love", I am discussing Agape, the long-lasting choice to put your romantic partner's well-being above yours. When the media says "love" they mean Eros, the emotion-based love that is dependent on circumstances. You cannot hope to have a lasting, functional relationship without Agape, but the media suggests that love can survive entirely off of lust, or even Eros. I will show why their portrayals are faulty and how it has affected impressionable viewers.

I must take a position of compassion and righteous anger when it comes to the topic of Warped Love and sexuality. So many people destroyed their lives and the lives of others through their pursuit of Love, or what masquerades as love. My compassion mourns for the souls who have broken hearts and for those who believe their sinful actions are justified all in the name of "love". It seems as though this "love" is rampant throughout the world, reaping destruction and pain in its path. I know this love to be an impostor. Love, by definition, cannot be a thing that destroys; it is the action that builds up those around us. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

When I make an effort to read this definition from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 slowly, I recognize all of the ways the world does not show love the way it is meant to be. The main force that encourages the lies about love is the media. Love is now synonymous with Lust and Self-Absorption. Instead of enduring all things it endures until money gets too tight. It is something to fall in and out of, uncontrollable and based entirely on emotion. What happened to change love from a selfless action into a self-absorbed emotion? Part of it was a yearning for an escape from reality. Love is the most difficult thing to work at, so it is easier to make it seem like it is out of our control. As I surmised in my last blog, the complacency of the viewers contributed greatly. They gave the media one inch and the media took it and sprinted away until all voices either faded out in the distance or joined in. Once the younger generation grew up believing sexuality was a thing to be displayed or bought and love was a cheap dance of meaningless pursuits, the world fell deeper into sin.

These three scenarios are the extremes of media love -- every other possible scenario seems to be a variation of these listed. I will explain the media's portrayal, then show the faulty beliefs (lies) and combat it with truth as it applies to the definition of love (agape) in 1 Corinthian 13.

1) Two lovers meet in a bar, get drunk, and have sex. Their relationship will continue if the sex is good and end abruptly and awkwardly if the sex is bad, assuming they were not too drunk to remember. If they continue in a long relationship, one of them will inevitably "fall in love" with somebody else or have a sexual affair.

• Impressionable lies: People base their relationship entirely off of sexual appeal and satisfaction and find happiness in this. The only reason their relationship failed was because one person was unhappy sexually; therefore, sex is a requirement to make a relationship work.

• Combative truth: A "love" based on how much the partner can pleasure you is not love at all, it is merely sexual attraction and lust. Sex is a natural part of a loving relationship, where two people can entrust their hearts, minds, and bodies to each other in the committed covenant of a marriage. It is not the most important part of a relationship and should not be a "deal maker or breaker".

2) Two lovers fall in love at first sight. Through all challenges they persevere, even when avoiding the root of the problem. They will forsake all else for "true love".

• Lies: Love is based off of first impressions and chemical reactions. True love should come naturally; if it is difficult then it must not be love. Nothing is as important as true love, even if that means going back on your commitments.

• Truth: Love is a decision to act patiently, kindly, becomingly, humbly, selflessly, righteously, truthfully, faithfully, hopefully for all times in all situations no matter what. For most people it takes a lot of work to act in this way toward all people, especially in trying times. True love will not harm another person in order to thrive; it will not forsake its commitments and promises. When celebrities say "I left my wife because I found my true love" they are not acting in a selfless way. They can decide whether to love their wife whether they "feel" something or not.

3) Two people grow closer through their dangerous adventures together. They learn to protect each other and are sometimes willing to sacrifice their own lives to save the other. They can't help falling in love with the person who saved them.

• Lies: Adventure and danger makes a person more appealing. Love is always exciting and you owe it to the person who protects you.

• Truth: Love perseveres through difficulty, it is true, but it is not necessarily a product of difficult times. You choose to love someone whether that person is adventurous or not. Giving your heart to somebody should mean they are worthy of your love and respect. A person who has no morality and who treats the opposite sex as flesh to satisfy their desires is not a worthy candidate for love. They should be shown love the way Jesus loves sinners, but it would be unwise to trust and love a person who does not love anyone but themselves.

Millions of people watch these scenarios play out and do not recognize anything wrong with them; in fact, they believe this alternative to be better than reality and attempt to mirror it in their own lives. Their escape from reality only lasts for 2 hours in a movie, so they take what they perceived and apply it to their own lives and seek to encourage others to do the same. Once society sees how "free" these people are, it models the behavior as the new "norm".

We have hundreds of thousands of desperate people searching for lasting love in a sexual escapade. Why is this such an issue? Because once these people realize that what they have is not love (or they find something better), they want out! The projected divorce rate in America is 50%! http://www.divorcerate.org/ We have a generation of children who believe that love is not lasting, that it is something not to be trusted or even attempted. Children who were affected by adultery (or sexually dissatisfied parents) believe love cannot last without sex, and this idea is only reinforced in the media which they so readily absorb.

Before these children even grow up they are attempting to find love through sexual endeavors. "A study presented in 2008 revealed that around 26% of young American women aged 14-19 are infected with at least one of the four most common sexually transmitted infections. This amounts to around 3.2 million female teenagers. The most widespread infection is HPV (human papilloma virus, which can cause genital warts and cervical cancer), found in 18% of young women. In second place is chlamydia, with a 4% infection rate. The study found that African American teenagers are most severely affected; around 48% of young African American women have an STD, compared to 20% of young white women." http://www.avert.org/stdstatisticusa.htm

How does our brilliant and culturally evolved society attempt to combat these appalling STD statistics? By promoting miracle drugs and getting rid of any programs that promote abstinence. What's more, some people in government are attempting to enforce the HPV vaccine on ALL female girls as a "preventive measure", whether they plan to be involved with a previously sexually active male or not. http://pediatrics.about.com/od/immunizations/a/0207_hpv_school.htm

This affects our society spiritually as well: Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. (Ephesians 5:1-5) Oh boy, well this is not very popular.

So what shall we do? Obviously we must follow God's commands and not be swayed by the evil ways of the world. I recommend you read Psalm 37. Besides the beautiful passage regularly quoted "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart...." it has this: "The wicked plots against the righteous/ And gnashes at him with his teeth. /The Lord laughs at him, /For He sees his day is coming." Pslam 37:12-13. Honestly, it makes me very relived to know that our God is so powerful He can just laugh at the wicked the way my big brother laughs at me when I try to punch him. The wicked are no force to reckon with when we have God on our side.

Be ready to speak against evil. Your time will come when you must stand up for what you believe in.

Effects of the Media: Part 1 -- Absolute(ly NOT) Truth

Let's face it. The media is more than a reflection of our current culture; it is the springboard from which every "evolved" cultural generation in America stems. It holds sway over millions of minds and poisons them with faulty beliefs about love, sex, and morality. I cannot blame the media single-handedly for being the cause of everything immoral in our country. The media would never have gotten as far as it did with its immorality if it were not for the complacency of the viewers. What caused the viewers to allow this shift in standards? I cannot say exactly, but I can assume love of sin had something to do with it. Instead of complaining to the company about the sex scene in a TV show, most viewers probably found themselves watching and enjoying it -- feeling guilty about it afterward and not wanting to be hypocritical by calling it in. Oh, I can imagine how Satan used these opportunities to convince people that their 'minor sin' was not a big deal. The minimal outrage was stifled by the rise in ratings; as a result, the current moral standard of our age was born, promoted eagerly by the media: there is no absolute truth; truth is specific to the individual.

Anyone find it ironic that the statement "there is no absolute truth" is in itself a statement of absolute truth?*

I believe I am very well qualified to discuss the negative effects of media on the mind. I have seen more than my fair share of the media's attempts to normalize sex, drugs, and violence. My opinions and actions were once majorly influenced by the media. My internal sense of right and wrong became clouded over the years and replaced with society's morals. This "truth" is so prevalent in our culture it permeates every area of life, from relationships to schools to careers. It is like people take the Romans 14 idea of "some things are a sin for you and not for me" and blow it wildly out of proportion. (Reference is Romans 14:16 "Therefore do not let what is for you a good thing be spoken of as evil. The faith which you have, have as your own conviction before God.") Our culture is so tired of feeling judged it is trying to make the problem of "judging sins" disappear altogether and react by judging the righteous. If you say fornication is wrong and you do not fornicate, you are now considered sexually repressed and scared of sex. These kinds of people are explained in Scripture as well: "And although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them." Romans 1:31-32

Society's truth: If you are the only one doing something right, you must be wrong. Any truth is the truth except for Absolute Truth.
Absolute Truth: "We must obey God rather than men." Acts 5:29

Society's dangerous and evil ideas were preceded by the media's portrayal of what is "good" by normalizing evil. The media twists the idea of righteousness to a more carnal pursuit, so that all may stay where they are morally and feel less guilty about their sin. Who would want to watch TV if they feel guilty all the time or feel like they have to change? Most people believe characters should not be goody-goody all the time -- there is no character development and people cannot relate to the character. It is better to create a flawed, but dashingly heroic character so the audience will relate on one level and fantasize about being this character on another. TV characters can get in and out of bed seemingly without emotional consequence. Real humans strive to be like these characters by sleeping around and expecting not to get hurt emotionally or damaged physically. Then when they realize real life is not like the TV, they attempt to take a pill for every sexually transmitted disease they receive so as not to reap the consequences of their actions and possibly lie to themselves about how emotionally damaged they are. The typical person will rationalize their behavior by saying sex is good, it is natural. Now don't get me wrong -- sex is good and natural, but God decrees that it meant only for traditional marriage. I will address the topic of sex, love and relationships in my next blog.

The media tries to keep their characters morally ambiguous. It is like when somebody asks you if you would be willing to rob a bank if that was the only way to keep your wife alive. Humans can see the pros and cons of the situation, and eventually talk themselves into sin because it is the "only way", or it "isn't so bad" or "you would do it too." For example: If McDreamy and whats-her-face are hopelessly in love, then by golly -- who's to stop him from marrying her, his wife?! How preposterous! He doesn't even love her anymore! Nothing can stop true love. So what if you have to commit adultery? Love is way more important than mere commitment. Or if Harry Potter cannot save the wizarding world without lying to a grown up, isn't it more important to lie and save the world? After all -- they would not be around to know he lied if he didn't save them!

You know what is so sad about this? I used to believe these lies! I used to internally struggle with the question of "is it okay for a man to abandon his wife if he doesn't love her anymore?" I tentatively settled on "yes" until the same thing happened to my mother. Then I wasn't so keen on the whole adultery for the sake of love thing. I used to mistake sin for nobility until God revealed to me why He hates it so much: sin causes destruction and separation from Him. "Hate evil, you who love the Lord,/Who preserves the souls of His godly ones; He delivers them from the hand of the wicked." Psalm 97:10

I bet Satan pats himself on the back for leading humanity into a revolt against righteousness. As Christians, we must not settle for complacency. We should constantly re-evaluate the content of movies, TV shows, books, magazines, and websites we allow ourselves and our loved ones to absorb. With God's Word and personal conviction from the Holy Spirit we should know what we ought to avoid and what we ought to promote. Philippians 4:8 gives us some direction: "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things".

If you think your brother or sister in Christ is involved in media that you would consider dangerous, first put it in perspective. If it is something as drastic as porn, it is absolutely wrong. If it is Harry Potter, you can always respectfully discuss with them why you think the material is immoral, but chances are you will agree to disagree. For example, I find it difficult to watch a movie with any sort of intimacy in it without turning away. But if I were watching a movie with another Christian friend and they were not affected by a happy kissing couple the way I was, it is not my place to judge whether that would be a sin for them or not. My life has certain boundaries that do not apply to others. I have to take certain precautions to avoid temptation in ways that my fellow Christian has never been tempted. I find these two verses in Romans very important when dealing with a situation like this: "Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. But he who doubts is condemned" Romans 14:22, 23a and "Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this -- not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother's way." Romans 14:13

It is important for me to feel confident about what media I take in. It is equally important for me to not cause my brother to stumble. I always try to check the content of any movie I watch or recommend and warn others ahead of time if it has questionable content in it. I use the website of www.screenit.com to get detailed reviews of movies from reliable sources. There are plenty of websites out there and I urge you to use them. It may seem dorky or overly cautious at first, but you will soon find it a blessing. "Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:1-3

Do your best to keep the content clean, but remember that you cannot know everybody else's temptations (you DO know all of yours). I have made the mistake of getting a movie I thought was clean because I could not find a review of it telling me otherwise. I put many people in an uncomfortable situation. This lesson taught me to look harder for a review next time and to review it myself if I had any doubts so as not to "put an obstacle in a brother's way."

More important than the differences in individual temptations is the calling we have to stay obedient to God's specific Word that applies to everybody. This is one of many, many examples of sin to avoid:
"There are six things which the LORD hates,
Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him:
¹⁷Haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
And hands that shed innocent blood,
¹⁸A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that run rapidly to evil,
¹⁹A false witness who utters lies,
And one who spreads strife among brothers.
Proverbs 6:16-19

Let us follow His righteous commandments with a joyful heart, united in Spirit and love. The Lord is Truth, and His reign is Absolute.




* not my original quote