Recipe for a Godly relationship

Much of our culture’s failure with relationships – platonic, familial, and romantic -- has to do with the unbalanced variables that make a good relationship successful. There are many variables to a relationship. Some are necessary while others are over-exaggerated or non-existent. I believe the variables I have listed below are the universally most important (for Christians and non-Christians alike, though non-Christians might disagree with the first one listed). There are several other variables that could fit under the umbrella of a generalized one that I have listed. If you believe my list should be modified, please comment and let me know. My list comes purely from my own limited observations as well as my personal relationships; needless to say, my way is not the only successful way.

This is the recipe for a healthy, Godly Relationship:

1) Christ. Both of you need to have your own personal relationship with Christ as well as a relationship centered on Christ as a couple. This is the most essential aspect of a Christian relationship for obvious reasons. If you desire to follow Christ and your relationship does not meet His standards, something has gone terribly wrong. Friendships cannot be based on deceit or personal gain and romance is never selfish or impure.

2) Respect. This is where the idea of a wife submitting to her husband comes in, as well as the husband’s demands to love his wife as himself (see my previous blogs titled The Taboo Words: Submit and Obey). If you don’t respect your husband enough to trust him and obey him, why on earth did you marry him? If you don’t respect your wife enough to cherish her and treat her like one of God’s precious daughters, why did you bother marrying her and vowing to do so? Respect is also a vital part of a deep friendship. You should respect your friend enough to tell them when you find them at fault or even encourage them when they make a difficult decision and do something correctly. This then leads into the next vital component relationship.

3) Honesty. Communication is key to any part of a relationship. You must communicate your feelings, your decisions, and your differences in order to maintain a solid relationship. If a friend, family member, or spouse asks you for your opinion you should not lie to them to make them feel better, nor should you exaggerate the truth. The best option is to always tell the truth without any sort of falsehood; however, this does not mean one can disregard basic etiquette and speak harshly without restraint.

4) Love. Love is defined in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NASB ) this way: “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” Love is necessary in all relationships, especially if Christ is involved, for He is love. 1 John 4:8 says “The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” In our society where love is equivalent to mere lust it is awkward to think about platonic love existing between friends in a pure way. But I hope you would treat your friend with kindness and forgive them for their wrongs just as you would a spouse.

I chose not to list other common variables in a relationship, like physical intimacy or emotional intimacy. My reason being that a romantic couple should still treat each other with love, honesty, and respect whether sex is in the picture or not. Sex is an important part of a marriage but without it the marriage will survive. The marriage will not do well if honesty, love, and respect are not in the picture. You could argue that a relationship will be fine without Christ at the center, but chances are that relationship would be ten times better if the two people involved were completely dedicated to Christ’s model of perfect love and selflessness.

Perhaps you have never seen a healthy, Godly relationship modeled for you properly. Let me assure you that it is possible! God would not demand something of us that is impossible to achieve; that would be illogical. I recommend you get to know a Godly older couple in your area that can model for you what a true relationship ought to look like. Every couple will have disagreements in their lifetime, but they should not fight or yell or assert their power over the other. Most people will accidentally hurt the feelings of their significant other with something they say, but it should never be intentional to hurt another or tear them down. Love builds up and encourages in Truth – to do anything else would be a cheap imitation of love and therefore a lie. Do not be deceived by Satan.

If both people are dedicating their lives to putting their significant other’s needs before their own, they will have a very solid and happy relationship. Selflessness on both ends only leads to a Christ-like relationship. If love is in the center, it will not fail.