There have been times in my life when I've been asked to do something that seemed completely contradictory. I was supposed to forgive someone who wronged me and show them love, yet the most loving act I could do was make it painfully clear how wrong their path was. How can you forgive someone and still call them out in their sin? Doesn't that mean you're still holding it against them and being unloving? Does forgiveness necessarily mean we have to trust and respect the person who wronged us? These questions are valid, confusing, and important to answer.
Let me first define forgiveness: the act of pardoning a person's sins or mistakes and not holding it against them ever again. It is to be given when a person asks for it, as often as they ask for it and as soon as they ask for it. It is NOT denying that the sin ever happened, or denying that your feelings are possibly still hurt. It is NOT giving the person approval to continue in their actions, or pardoning it by saying "it's okay, that wasn't so bad"; rather, it is saying "that was wrong, but I forgive you". Matthew 6:14-15 14"For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.”
Let's analyze the following Biblical passages. (All Biblical text comes from KJV, NASB, or NKJV)
Matthew 18:21-35
21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. 23 Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ 27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. 28 “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ 30 And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. 31 So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. 32 Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ 34 And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. 35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”
Matthew 5:38-48
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. 40 If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also. 41 And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. 42 Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away. 43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? 48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.
Why is forgiveness so important? Jesus wants His followers to be set apart and holy. Not only are we to forgive our enemies seventy times seven times if need be, we are not to lash back when they lash against us. This can be difficult to do! But God is with us always, and if Jesus was able to take insults and a crucifixion by his back-stabbing creation, we ought to be able to handle it when somebody offends us. If somebody slanders your good name, do not gossip about that person. You can defend yourself and ask them to stop, but they may call you a coward for not engaging back in the fight. To the world you seem like you are turning your other cheek, but in your heart you are giving them nothing. The approval of men means nothing in light of God, the Giver of everything.
Now, there is a difference between defending yourself and your loved ones and “turning the other cheek”. If you are carrying a paycheck in your wallet that you must cash to keep your family out of poverty and some robber tries to steal it from you, I don’t think you would be required to “turn the other cheek”, because other people are depending on you for that money. Likewise, if a husband is protecting his wife from a rapist, he is not to sit back and say “sorry, honey, I’m supposed to turn my cheek on this one”. We are required to protect those in our lives who need protecting, including ourselves. I believe Jesus was saying that if we have extra to give, whether that is money, materials, or our effort, we should give it. We can set a good example to our enemies by having the God-given strength to go another mile, to freely give up our material possessions and such because our worth is not set in this world. God can replenish anything we lose.
Forgiveness is necessary for any and every scenario. How are we to love those who have betrayed us and taken everything? Imagine yourself in a horrifying scenario: somebody brutally murders your family, ends up on death row, and before he is put down he asks to speak to you. He says, “I am so sorry, will you forgive me?” What would you say? I hope you would say yes. Now, imagine this worse scenario: a man brutally murders your family, steals your livelihood, sells you into slavery, and he lives as a king with everything while you have nothing. He comes down to your lowly quarters as king and asks you if you will forgive him, but is unable to change your current situation. Would you be willing to forgive this murderous man now? I hope you will say yes even in this scenario.
Most people find it easier to forgive someone when they have reaped the consequences of their sins; unfortunately, it does not always work out that way. In this case we can rest easy knowing “ 19Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," says the Lord. 20"BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD." If you think about it, before we accept Christ into our lives and cut out sin, we are just as bad as that murderous man. We have all willfully sinned against God, and each sin must be like a twisted knife to the heart to the most loving Savior who died to save us from such disobedience. If Christ can forgive us of our numerous trespasses, bad as they were, we can forgive those who trespass against us. If you choose not to forgive others for their transgressions, make no mistake, God will not forgive you (Matt 6:15). To me, that is much scarier than accepting an apology.
Forgiveness does not mean we forget. If you child steals money from you and admits it to you later, you should forgive them on the spot, but you should still punish them. God forgives us of our sin, but He still purifies us and teaches us the way of righteousness. If trust has been broken, it needs to be earned back, not given freely because the sinner learns that apology will get them out of trouble. The sinner who believes that will never truly repent to you or God. They will believe they can sin and get away with things and just “ask for forgiveness”, and they will be in the clear or go to Heaven. This is just as dangerous for them as it is for you. Do not allow yourself to be taken advantage of if a person proves they are not trustworthy; do not give your heart to a person who has smashed it; do not give your respect to one who has spit on you and your loved ones. What you can do is love them, reprimand them for their actions, teach them the way of righteousness, and forgive them readily when they ask for it.
Forgiveness is an act of love. God is love, and since forgiveness is part of His character, it would be wise to remember the definition of love and compare it to forgiveness whenever you are tempted to get angry or not forgive:1 Corinthians 13:4-8a 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. It is possible to forgive someone for the past, call them out on their current sins, and love them back to Christ.
(Part 2 posted on Wednesday, July 29)
