The most taboo words I ever heard as a woman growing up were “submit” and “obey”, both of which are frequently used to describe the good Christian wife. The modern female American hates those words. If she does not hate them, she must be controlled by a religious chauvinist pig. As usual, society has a warped idea of what those words mean and react in an unbiblical manner to eradicate them from our lives. Some of my family is very worried that my husband will be very controlling and that I will have no say in the marriage. When I explain that a man and wife always discuss things when they disagree and come to an answer that way, they say "that sounds good, but what about when you still don't agree? Who makes the decision then?" They've got a problem with the man having a final say, or authority, in a relationship. This kind of attitude is not limited to my family; this attitude is throughout America. What changed in our society to make it normal for a woman to lead a relationship? What kind of falsehoods permeate our brains to make women believe all men are inept at leading and are only power-hungry fools?
America believes that every man, woman, and child are created equally regardless of race, gender, religious beliefs, etc. This statement itself is ridiculous, but the intent behind it is not. Every human on this earth is equally important in God's eyes -- we were all, man and woman, created in God's image, and if any one of us sins and does not ask for redemption we will go to Hell. That is how we are equal. But to say "we are created equally" means that women can be just as strong as men and men can bear children. These are physical impossibilities, of course. Likewise, there are universally marked differences between a man and woman's behavior. Women tend to be more compassionate, more motherly, more emotionally-driven. Men tend to be more logical, more assertive, more of a leader. Now, not ALL women are like that and not ALL men have those qualities, and oftentimes a woman can be both compassionate and assertive, or a man can be both a leader and emotionally-driven. This is no secret; I am merely stating the pattern of male and female behavior from the past several thousand years.
Women's liberation believes women should be able to do all the things men do, and that includes having equally important careers and leadership roles. I agree that women were being held back from their potential and treated unfairly; however, the kinds of ideas that came out of women's lib are far from Christ-like. Women's lib believes that women are equal to men the way the statement makes it sound; if men can do it, women can do it too and should, often at the cost of losing the qualities that make a woman "womanly". While it is true that many women are capable leaders and think logically, it is a falsehood to assert that every woman should be expected to cast aside all qualities of womanhood and become a female in a man's role. This has lead to generations of confused women who are attempting to usurp the men and "do it all" by raising the kids and working the high-brow career. The social shift has only begotten generations of inept males and dissatisfied women who, instead of fighting for their rights as women, fought for their rights to be exactly like a man. This is far from liberating.
Why did most women fall into this trap? I believe there are three big sinful motivations for women coveting the man’s position:
Lust for Power. The Original Sin was lust for power. The only thing Adam and Eve did not have, as Satan put it, was the ability to "be like God, knowing good and evil." (Genesis 3:5) Be like God, huh? What did that mean for Eve? Did that mean she could elevate her status? She wanted Adam to partake in eating the apple as well, but what was her motivation? I wonder if she wanted Adam to share in the power with her or if she simply did not want to be alone in her sin. She and Adam were perfectly balanced in their roles as man and wife, so she did not feel the need to usurp Adam; no, she wanted more power, more authority, and the only way to do this was to be like God. After the fall, God cursed Eve with this dreaded text in Genesis 3:16: “Yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Oh no! So with sin in the picture, relationships are now inevitably unbalanced. Man has the authority, the power, and women will always want that power, but they will always want the male too. This leads to the next situation.
Fear. Since the men have the power over the woman, some women are afraid that the man will abuse his responsibilities and manipulate the situation so he can keep the woman down. With sin in the picture, this is a very likely scenario. It has happened too many times to count. When women hear about this kind of unfairness and abuse, it makes them want to change something. Here is the next situation.
Dissatisfaction in male leadership. Just as Eve lusted after power, Adam sinned by refusing to counsel her against her sin, joining her in it, and then blaming her for his indiscretions. Does this sound familiar? Many men have proven themselves to be incapable leaders, especially politicians or church leaders and their sexual affairs. After so much failure a woman wants to fix the situation. Instead of encouraging the males in the godly way, many women nagged them to the point of discouraging them from ever wanting to lead properly. Once these tactics failed, those women decided that men are bad at leading and they should do it themselves.
While these fears are often valid, the ways women usurp men is wrong. Society began to turn in favor of the dissatisfied woman and made men the brunt of the jokes. Men are now portrayed as lazy, inept, and perverted who are only good for bringing in some income, lifting heavy boxes, and making babies. Men are good-for-nothings in today’s society. They are easy to manipulate, nag, and seduce, and that is the way many women like them: easily controllable.
Now women have what they worked so hard to achieve, and they find out they are unhappy in their current situation. This is not surprising to me. In my next blog, I will discuss what a Christian marriage should look like in terms of authority and submission. Why are men the ones to lead? What does it mean to lead? What does it mean to submit? If women are not leading, what are they to do? I will answer these questions within Biblical context.
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