I recommend reading The Importance of Forgiveness Parts 1 and 2 before reading this particular blog. Part 1 is about the definition of forgiveness; Part 2 is the definition of true repentance; and Part 3 will deal specifically with the unrepentant. What do Christians do when somebody refuses to repent? There are several different underlying factors when a person does not repent (ie recognize and change sinful behavior). Are we still required to forgive the person even if they have not yet asked for forgiveness? It is impossible to forgive somebody if they have not yet asked for forgiveness. Is there something to forgive? Yes. But how can it be done if there is no repentance? Jesus says in Luke 17:3-4 " Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' forgive him." Again, forgiveness is the act of pardoning a person's sins or mistakes and not holding it against them ever again; repentance is the act of changing a behavior (or sin) as a result of remorse or contrition for that behavior (or sin).
I think it's fantastic and heart-warming when a Christian proclaims to the world that they have forgiven the person(s) responsible for murdering their loved ones. It is a bold statement, it is honorable, and it certainly sheds a good light on Christianity. However, I would argue that it is not the exact model of forgiveness the way our Lord lays it out. Before God forgives us, we must come to Him, renounce our ways, and ask Him to pardon us for our sins. Then He faithfully and lovingly forgives us and cleanses us from our sin. What did He do before we asked for forgiveness? He made it clear that He wanted to forgive us. (Matthew 18:14 "So it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones perish.") He showed us how wrong our behavior was, and promised us that He would cleanse us from it and teach us to change it. But He did not forgive us until we asked for it. If God forgave everyone for sins before they asked for it, they would have no need to repent and they would go to Heaven. That is the doctrine of the Universalists, which is completely unBiblical and wrong.
Now, just because a Christian does not have to officially forgive a person unless that person repents, that does not mean the Christian is allowed to harbor anger in their heart toward the person. In fact, Jesus says this in Matthew 5:43-44: "You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you." A Christian must be ready to forgive a person as soon as they ask for it the same way Jesus is ready to forgive a sinner when a sinner repents. Jesus does not say, "No, I can't forgive you yet -- I'm still ticked about the way you used my name in vain." It is essential for a Christian's heart to be prepared to forgive a person the moment they ask for forgiveness! Since we do not know when a person will ask for forgiveness, our hearts must always be willing to forgive, that is, pardoning a person's sins and not ever holding it against them again. Christians do not have the liberty of holding a grudge or reveling in anger. Sometimes a person will ask for forgiveness when you did not even realize they sinned against you. I remember back when my fiance (at that time my boyfriend) and I asked for forgiveness from his parents for lying to them about something for years. They had no idea, and yet they forgave us on the spot. They were still crushed and heartbroken, but they pardoned us and did not ever hold a grudge or use it against us. That is a model of God's forgiveness. It is awe-inspiring to know that we, once sinners, came to the Father in humility and asked to be forgiven -- and He did it! Our sins are no more and He does not count them against us. Praise be to God for His love!
Here's a sticky situation: What do we do when a friend who professes Christianity sins against God and does not repent? You've probably known a person like this. Perhaps it is a person in your Sunday School who occasionally lies, or a college buddy in your Fellowship who is an underage drinker. Most of the time these kinds of people are not unwilling to repent -- most of the time they say they really want to repent but just end up sinning again in some way. We should not, as some claim, "cut them some slack because we all sin too". This statement really gets me upset. It's about the most hypocritical statement I've ever heard in my life. Not only should we not excuse sin, we should not engage in it! Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? May it never be! How can we who died to sin still live in it? (Romans 6:1-2) No, the proper response would be to go to your friend in love and try to help them correct their behavior so that they may be reconciled to God. Normally this involves many interventions, late-night chats, Bible studies, and accountability partners. Ask your spiritual leaders for help, for they will undoubtedly have good ideas about disciplining a brother. Jesus gives us some instructions in Matthew 18:15-17 "Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican." It's pretty straight-forward. For the most part, the person in question will only get to Stage Two before they wise up and taking measures to stop sinning.
If you know somebody who has surpassed Stages 1 and 2 of Jesus' Helpful Guide to Bringing Back the Unrepentant, then this person is probably in deeper darkness than you initially realized. Commit them to serious prayer. They need it. This person is in great spiritual danger and might need to experience a very hardcore kind of love. If a person calls him or herself a Christian and obviously lives a life contrary to God's standards and refuses to change, even after countless hours of pleading and explaining why their lifestyle choices are unBiblical, you and your church are required to cut that person out of the church as a last resort. That seems quite harsh and almost contrary to the modern (albeit Biblical) exhortations to love that person no matter what. But here's the kicker: sometimes kicking a person out of the church is the most loving thing you can do. Paul talks about this extensively in 1 Corinthians 5. Verse 5 specifically explains why this is a loving act. "I have decided to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus." This person is obviously not saved, but thinks they are. Paul even refers to this kind of person later in the chapter as a "so-called brother". This is the most dangerous spiritual state to be in. If a person believes they are saved when they are really not, they have no incentive to change their ways or repent. They believe they are forgiven already and going to Heaven when really they are doomed to Hell.
Here is an instance of this in Matthew 7:18-23 --
A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits. Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you;DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.'
Paul, like Jesus, talks about not associating with a so-called Christian in 1 Corinthians 5:9-13 --
"I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; 10I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world. 11But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler--not even to eat with such a one. 12For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? 13But those who are outside, God judges. REMOVE THE WICKED MAN FROM AMONG YOURSELVES." (CAPS part of NASB version)
While the modern church has it right that we are to love those who wrong us, we must attempt to correct their sins for their sakes. This is love in the most heart-wrenching form. To outsiders and to the person described in 1 Corinthians 5, this does not look like love. If you or your church feels called to carry out the actions of 1 Corinthians 5 as a last resort, it will be painful and difficult, especially if that person is a loved one. But God calls us to love others more than ourselves. How can we love someone if we refuse to tell them their sin will doom them to hell? How can we love someone if we sit back idly and allow a person to sin because it is easier and safer for us to ignore the issue? That is not love; that is selfishness. It is also heresy. If a so-called Christian blasphemes God's holy name by claiming to be a holy child of God and yet refuses to repent -- what does that say about our perfect and holy God?! How does that look to non-believers? If you refuse to cut a person like this out of their life because you love them so much you couldn't bear to see them in pain, then you are treading into dangerous territory. Jesus says in Matthew 10: 37 "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me." Take care that your love is agape love, as shown in 1 Corinthians 13, not the kind of false love that stifles a person's well-being for your own sake.
This is a difficult topic, especially since I have a loved one in this situation. I do not write this because I enjoy the idea of cutting out those who defile God's name. I do this out of love, the kind of love that requires me to love another more than myself, to put their salvation as my top priority. It is a love that "does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth" (1 Cor 13:6). This kind of love requires absolute faith in God's holy Word, trust in His judgment, and absolute reliance on His wisdom. God knows best, and if He says we should do something a specific way, it is because He has a good reason. Oh how glorious that day will be with the unrepentant finally humble themselves before the Lord!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
The Importance of Forgiveness: Part 2 -- does God forgive future sins?
One of my previous blogs discussed the definition of forgiveness and some Bible passages on the subject. I titled it "The Importance of Forgiveness" and I recommend you read that first before you read this one, which will discuss what to do in situations where a person refuses to repent even when they should. You can find it here http://thegodfiles-hewhohasears.blogspot.com/2009/07/importance-of-forgiveness.html at that link or search for the July 4 post. Many thanks to my readers who suggested that I discuss this thought-provoking and sometimes controversial topic. I must introduce a difficult theological subject in order to write about how God wants us to treat those who do not repent. If God overlooks and forgives future sins, as so many believe, then Christians would be required to do the same thing to their fellow believers, meaning many Biblical passages will be rendered obsolete and my argument faulty. So I must debunk the illogical argument before presenting my views on this subject. I am well aware that my views are unpopular and very different from modern Christianity, so I hope you will continue reading despite your initial reservations. If you wish to argue why my beliefs are incorrect or unBiblical, I urge you to do so in the comment area or by e-mailing me at thegodfiles@gmail.com.
Let me first define true repentance: the act of changing a behavior (or sin) as a result of remorse or contrition for that behavior (or sin). Notice how I made the most important part of that sentence "the act of changing". In today's version of Christianity repentance is merely a form of false remorse, where the sinner feels slightly guilty for his or her behavior and continues to do it even though they know it is wrong. That is not true repentance. If you truly repent for your behavior you will change it. Imagine this scenario: a robber is in the middle of cleaning out a bank vault and you come along to stop his heist. "I'm terribly sorry, I know it's a horrible thing to do," the robber says, "please forgive me. I'd say that I won't do it again, but I know I will, so please forgive me for that too." Then he turns around and continues to rob the vault while you watch in horror at his blatant hypocrisy. This scenario seems absurd, but it is a sad representation of modern Christianity's views on redemption.
Tell me, if God forgives you for your future sins, what is the point of asking for forgiveness? Why would God tell you that you are freed from sin and demand you to live in holiness if He really means that you will be sinning for the rest of your life? Are you telling me that any professing believer who commits adultery and rapes children without repenting of it will go to Heaven because at one point in their life they said the prayer that was supposed to give them salvation? If you say no to that, then why not? If God truly forgives a person for all past, present, and future sins, then an unrepentant murderer, rapist, and adulterer will go to Heaven. Some would protest to this by saying, "but a Christian would not do those things!" All I have to say to that, is EXACTLY. Neither would a Christian steal, lie, cheat, get drunk, or sin in any other way. God's Word is absolute, and He says this:
1 Corinthians 6:9-10
Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
Galatians 5:19-21
Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
1 John 3:5-6
And ye know that he was manifested to take away our sins; and in him is no sin. Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him.
Some will say to this, "Christians are covered by God's grace, so they don't count when the Bible says 'those who practice this will not go to Heaven'". I will just blink open-mouthed at the absurdity of that statement. There is no contradiction in God's Word. Those who practice these things (sins) will not inherit the kingdom of God, and those who are of God do not practice sin. Therefore, those who are of God do not sin and inherit the kingdom. Do you really think God is going to take an unrepentant child molester into Heaven? What makes you think He'll take a liar? Even Revelation makes the distinction between those who follow God's commandments and those who still sin: Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
His grace empowers us to overcome all sin and Jesus says He will cleanse us of it completely. We don't have to do anything but obey Jesus, for He fights the battles for us and He rids us of sin! I am not suggesting that a person can lose salvation, what I am suggesting is that Christians are not given liberty to sin when God so clearly instructs otherwise. I believe that those who do not turn from their sinful ways never truly repented, and are therefore not saved. To say that those who merely recite the "sinner's prayer" and never change their lives are going to Heaven is a complete lie. Hebrews 10:26 For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries. (Go to this link to understand my views on sin http://thegodfiles-hewhohasears.blogspot.com/2009/06/problem-of-sin.html. I believe it is only ever a conscious decision made in rebellion; I do not consider sin to be an accident or mere lack of knowledge. It is willful and deliberate defiance of God's Known Law.)
I hope I have not lost you in a grand theological debate. I assure you that my unpopular views on sin and salvation have everything to do with the discussion of unrepentant sinners. You see, if God truly forgives believers for future sins, then the Bible is painstakingly contradictory. It would mean that you and I would be required to "overlook" (as God presumably does) the many sinful actions of our fellow believers. But as I do not believe those who sin ever truly repented, I can continue my commentary in the next blog.
Let me first define true repentance: the act of changing a behavior (or sin) as a result of remorse or contrition for that behavior (or sin). Notice how I made the most important part of that sentence "the act of changing". In today's version of Christianity repentance is merely a form of false remorse, where the sinner feels slightly guilty for his or her behavior and continues to do it even though they know it is wrong. That is not true repentance. If you truly repent for your behavior you will change it. Imagine this scenario: a robber is in the middle of cleaning out a bank vault and you come along to stop his heist. "I'm terribly sorry, I know it's a horrible thing to do," the robber says, "please forgive me. I'd say that I won't do it again, but I know I will, so please forgive me for that too." Then he turns around and continues to rob the vault while you watch in horror at his blatant hypocrisy. This scenario seems absurd, but it is a sad representation of modern Christianity's views on redemption.
Tell me, if God forgives you for your future sins, what is the point of asking for forgiveness? Why would God tell you that you are freed from sin and demand you to live in holiness if He really means that you will be sinning for the rest of your life? Are you telling me that any professing believer who commits adultery and rapes children without repenting of it will go to Heaven because at one point in their life they said the prayer that was supposed to give them salvation? If you say no to that, then why not? If God truly forgives a person for all past, present, and future sins, then an unrepentant murderer, rapist, and adulterer will go to Heaven. Some would protest to this by saying, "but a Christian would not do those things!" All I have to say to that, is EXACTLY. Neither would a Christian steal, lie, cheat, get drunk, or sin in any other way. God's Word is absolute, and He says this:
1 Corinthians 6:9-10
Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
Galatians 5:19-21
Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
1 John 3:5-6
And ye know that he was manifested to take away our sins; and in him is no sin. Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him.
Some will say to this, "Christians are covered by God's grace, so they don't count when the Bible says 'those who practice this will not go to Heaven'". I will just blink open-mouthed at the absurdity of that statement. There is no contradiction in God's Word. Those who practice these things (sins) will not inherit the kingdom of God, and those who are of God do not practice sin. Therefore, those who are of God do not sin and inherit the kingdom. Do you really think God is going to take an unrepentant child molester into Heaven? What makes you think He'll take a liar? Even Revelation makes the distinction between those who follow God's commandments and those who still sin: Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
His grace empowers us to overcome all sin and Jesus says He will cleanse us of it completely. We don't have to do anything but obey Jesus, for He fights the battles for us and He rids us of sin! I am not suggesting that a person can lose salvation, what I am suggesting is that Christians are not given liberty to sin when God so clearly instructs otherwise. I believe that those who do not turn from their sinful ways never truly repented, and are therefore not saved. To say that those who merely recite the "sinner's prayer" and never change their lives are going to Heaven is a complete lie. Hebrews 10:26 For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries. (Go to this link to understand my views on sin http://thegodfiles-hewhohasears.blogspot.com/2009/06/problem-of-sin.html. I believe it is only ever a conscious decision made in rebellion; I do not consider sin to be an accident or mere lack of knowledge. It is willful and deliberate defiance of God's Known Law.)
I hope I have not lost you in a grand theological debate. I assure you that my unpopular views on sin and salvation have everything to do with the discussion of unrepentant sinners. You see, if God truly forgives believers for future sins, then the Bible is painstakingly contradictory. It would mean that you and I would be required to "overlook" (as God presumably does) the many sinful actions of our fellow believers. But as I do not believe those who sin ever truly repented, I can continue my commentary in the next blog.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Recipe for a Godly relationship
Much of our culture’s failure with relationships – platonic, familial, and romantic -- has to do with the unbalanced variables that make a good relationship successful. There are many variables to a relationship. Some are necessary while others are over-exaggerated or non-existent. I believe the variables I have listed below are the universally most important (for Christians and non-Christians alike, though non-Christians might disagree with the first one listed). There are several other variables that could fit under the umbrella of a generalized one that I have listed. If you believe my list should be modified, please comment and let me know. My list comes purely from my own limited observations as well as my personal relationships; needless to say, my way is not the only successful way.
This is the recipe for a healthy, Godly Relationship:
1) Christ. Both of you need to have your own personal relationship with Christ as well as a relationship centered on Christ as a couple. This is the most essential aspect of a Christian relationship for obvious reasons. If you desire to follow Christ and your relationship does not meet His standards, something has gone terribly wrong. Friendships cannot be based on deceit or personal gain and romance is never selfish or impure.
2) Respect. This is where the idea of a wife submitting to her husband comes in, as well as the husband’s demands to love his wife as himself (see my previous blogs titled The Taboo Words: Submit and Obey). If you don’t respect your husband enough to trust him and obey him, why on earth did you marry him? If you don’t respect your wife enough to cherish her and treat her like one of God’s precious daughters, why did you bother marrying her and vowing to do so? Respect is also a vital part of a deep friendship. You should respect your friend enough to tell them when you find them at fault or even encourage them when they make a difficult decision and do something correctly. This then leads into the next vital component relationship.
3) Honesty. Communication is key to any part of a relationship. You must communicate your feelings, your decisions, and your differences in order to maintain a solid relationship. If a friend, family member, or spouse asks you for your opinion you should not lie to them to make them feel better, nor should you exaggerate the truth. The best option is to always tell the truth without any sort of falsehood; however, this does not mean one can disregard basic etiquette and speak harshly without restraint.
4) Love. Love is defined in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NASB ) this way: “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” Love is necessary in all relationships, especially if Christ is involved, for He is love. 1 John 4:8 says “The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” In our society where love is equivalent to mere lust it is awkward to think about platonic love existing between friends in a pure way. But I hope you would treat your friend with kindness and forgive them for their wrongs just as you would a spouse.
I chose not to list other common variables in a relationship, like physical intimacy or emotional intimacy. My reason being that a romantic couple should still treat each other with love, honesty, and respect whether sex is in the picture or not. Sex is an important part of a marriage but without it the marriage will survive. The marriage will not do well if honesty, love, and respect are not in the picture. You could argue that a relationship will be fine without Christ at the center, but chances are that relationship would be ten times better if the two people involved were completely dedicated to Christ’s model of perfect love and selflessness.
Perhaps you have never seen a healthy, Godly relationship modeled for you properly. Let me assure you that it is possible! God would not demand something of us that is impossible to achieve; that would be illogical. I recommend you get to know a Godly older couple in your area that can model for you what a true relationship ought to look like. Every couple will have disagreements in their lifetime, but they should not fight or yell or assert their power over the other. Most people will accidentally hurt the feelings of their significant other with something they say, but it should never be intentional to hurt another or tear them down. Love builds up and encourages in Truth – to do anything else would be a cheap imitation of love and therefore a lie. Do not be deceived by Satan.
If both people are dedicating their lives to putting their significant other’s needs before their own, they will have a very solid and happy relationship. Selflessness on both ends only leads to a Christ-like relationship. If love is in the center, it will not fail.Tuesday, July 21, 2009
The Taboo Words: Submit and Obey (Part 2)
Our society believes that if you are not the one in authority over a group of people, you are disposable and therefore less important. The boss of a company is treated with the utmost respect while the entry level employee is treated with disdain. If you are serving rather than being served, you are worthless. When America bought into this lie women were viewed as “less important” than men; they were seen as weak, unintelligent, and replaceable. Feminists worked hard to react against these lies by proving to men that they could do all the things men could do, sometimes even better. It is far from Biblical for a servant to be seen as unimportant or for a woman to be viewed as anything less than a priceless treasure. God’s Word also says those in a position of authority have the final say, but they should not arrogantly reign over those following them; they support, guide, and serve those on their team. This idea of humbly leading and submitting is a picture of the Trinity and is our model for marriage as well.
How the Trinity functions:
God the Father has the ultimate authority over everything. It is by His grace and will that we even breathe. Although God has the final say, it is possible for Him to change His mind if requested of Him. Some people might be upset at me for saying this, for they believe God is unchanging in every meaning of the word and the future is set in stone. I, however, do not believe our destinies are set and I believe through prayer and intercession God will allow us to change lives. Just read Genesis 18:17-33 for an astonishing account of Abraham’s intercession on behalf of the Sodomites.
Jesus the Son submits to His Father’s will in perfect obedience. Everything He does is in accordance with His Father’s will, as He says often throughout the Gospels. In Matthew 28:18 Jesus says, “All authority has been given to me in Heaven and on Earth.” Clearly Jesus is not less important than God (indeed they are the same God!), but Jesus understands and respects that He is to follow the Will of the Father. Jesus is also an example of a servant-leader, one who has authority but chooses to wield it for the benefit of his people rather than for self-gain. He models humble leading for the disciples when He washes their feet. If God will humble Himself to wash a sinner’s feet, surely a woman can humble herself to submit to a worthy man!
The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of God residing in Christians, and therefore cleanses the soul of sin and instructs Believers in how to walk a Christ-driven life. The Holy Spirit also changes the hearts of non-believers so that they will be led to God and ultimately submit to His Will. I think of the Spirit as carrying out the Will of the Father by interceding on our behalf, as stated in Romans 8:26.
There is perfect harmony within the Trinity. The Godhead actively models leadership, submission, and intercession. Jesus submits to God, yet Jesus is equally important as God. That is because God is Triune; three persons but one being. Likewise, when a man and woman marry they become one person, or one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Let us see what the Bible has to say about submission and authority between a man and his wife.
Controversial Bible passages:
Ephesians 5:22-33 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
1 Corinthians 7:3-4 3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Colossians 3:18-19 18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
People tend to concentrate only on the “wives submit to your own husbands” and less on the requirements for the men. Many think it unfair that a woman should sit back silently and allow the male to make all of the decisions. But that’s the problem: that is not what submission means! Submission is a beautiful act of respect; it means that the one submitting has complete faith in the abilities of the leader -- it is the decision to honor the judgment of the leader. It does not mean that the one submitting does not get to help make decisions, does not get to disagree, and is unequal in terms of importance. Jesus submits to God and is not any less important than God.
Women are basically instructed to trust their men, honor them, and respect their God-given authority. If the husband is a man of God, there should be no problems with this. Why would any woman be upset with a man who loved her like his own body, was never bitter toward her, and protects her against evil forces? This does not sound like a bad deal to me! It sounds like a perfect and romantic relationship, one that is modeled by God Himself.
Many of you are probably protesting by now with “but men don’t act like this! So why should we submit to them?” If you are an unmarried woman, do not get involved with a man who does not follow Christ. A man who does not submit to Christ is not worth submitting to. He will not cherish you the way Christ would, he will not selflessly give of himself for your sake, and he will not encourage you to make yourself spotless in Christ’s eyes. How could he when he worships sin rather than God?
If you are married to an unbeliever, I recommend you read this Bible passage: 1 Peter 3:1-7 1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
Whether he is a Christian or not, you must still obey him. It is possible he will see the light of Christ in you and become a believer, as 1 Peter says. Just remember that God’s authority comes first, no matter what earthly authority you are under. If your father or husband demands that you do something God would not approve of, you are required to obey God rather than a man. If your husband or father abuses you and your family members, you are not required to stay put and hope that he will one day turn into a Christian. Protect yourself and your family, and go get help. I would never recommend divorce, but separation is permissible in situations like adultery or abuse.
My next blog will discuss what the ideal, Christian marriage should look like. It is possible for a man to cherish his wife and for a wife to lovingly submit to his will. It is possible for a man to use his authority to be a servant for his wife rather than a chauvinist tyrant. It is possible for a woman to be happy that her capable husband and teammate has the final say. For nothing is impossible with God, especially if He demands it of us!
How the Trinity functions:
God the Father has the ultimate authority over everything. It is by His grace and will that we even breathe. Although God has the final say, it is possible for Him to change His mind if requested of Him. Some people might be upset at me for saying this, for they believe God is unchanging in every meaning of the word and the future is set in stone. I, however, do not believe our destinies are set and I believe through prayer and intercession God will allow us to change lives. Just read Genesis 18:17-33 for an astonishing account of Abraham’s intercession on behalf of the Sodomites.
Jesus the Son submits to His Father’s will in perfect obedience. Everything He does is in accordance with His Father’s will, as He says often throughout the Gospels. In Matthew 28:18 Jesus says, “All authority has been given to me in Heaven and on Earth.” Clearly Jesus is not less important than God (indeed they are the same God!), but Jesus understands and respects that He is to follow the Will of the Father. Jesus is also an example of a servant-leader, one who has authority but chooses to wield it for the benefit of his people rather than for self-gain. He models humble leading for the disciples when He washes their feet. If God will humble Himself to wash a sinner’s feet, surely a woman can humble herself to submit to a worthy man!
The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of God residing in Christians, and therefore cleanses the soul of sin and instructs Believers in how to walk a Christ-driven life. The Holy Spirit also changes the hearts of non-believers so that they will be led to God and ultimately submit to His Will. I think of the Spirit as carrying out the Will of the Father by interceding on our behalf, as stated in Romans 8:26.
There is perfect harmony within the Trinity. The Godhead actively models leadership, submission, and intercession. Jesus submits to God, yet Jesus is equally important as God. That is because God is Triune; three persons but one being. Likewise, when a man and woman marry they become one person, or one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Let us see what the Bible has to say about submission and authority between a man and his wife.
Controversial Bible passages:
Ephesians 5:22-33 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
1 Corinthians 7:3-4 3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Colossians 3:18-19 18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
People tend to concentrate only on the “wives submit to your own husbands” and less on the requirements for the men. Many think it unfair that a woman should sit back silently and allow the male to make all of the decisions. But that’s the problem: that is not what submission means! Submission is a beautiful act of respect; it means that the one submitting has complete faith in the abilities of the leader -- it is the decision to honor the judgment of the leader. It does not mean that the one submitting does not get to help make decisions, does not get to disagree, and is unequal in terms of importance. Jesus submits to God and is not any less important than God.
Women are basically instructed to trust their men, honor them, and respect their God-given authority. If the husband is a man of God, there should be no problems with this. Why would any woman be upset with a man who loved her like his own body, was never bitter toward her, and protects her against evil forces? This does not sound like a bad deal to me! It sounds like a perfect and romantic relationship, one that is modeled by God Himself.
Many of you are probably protesting by now with “but men don’t act like this! So why should we submit to them?” If you are an unmarried woman, do not get involved with a man who does not follow Christ. A man who does not submit to Christ is not worth submitting to. He will not cherish you the way Christ would, he will not selflessly give of himself for your sake, and he will not encourage you to make yourself spotless in Christ’s eyes. How could he when he worships sin rather than God?
If you are married to an unbeliever, I recommend you read this Bible passage: 1 Peter 3:1-7 1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
Whether he is a Christian or not, you must still obey him. It is possible he will see the light of Christ in you and become a believer, as 1 Peter says. Just remember that God’s authority comes first, no matter what earthly authority you are under. If your father or husband demands that you do something God would not approve of, you are required to obey God rather than a man. If your husband or father abuses you and your family members, you are not required to stay put and hope that he will one day turn into a Christian. Protect yourself and your family, and go get help. I would never recommend divorce, but separation is permissible in situations like adultery or abuse.
My next blog will discuss what the ideal, Christian marriage should look like. It is possible for a man to cherish his wife and for a wife to lovingly submit to his will. It is possible for a man to use his authority to be a servant for his wife rather than a chauvinist tyrant. It is possible for a woman to be happy that her capable husband and teammate has the final say. For nothing is impossible with God, especially if He demands it of us!
Friday, July 10, 2009
The Taboo Words: Submit and Obey (Part 1)
The most taboo words I ever heard as a woman growing up were “submit” and “obey”, both of which are frequently used to describe the good Christian wife. The modern female American hates those words. If she does not hate them, she must be controlled by a religious chauvinist pig. As usual, society has a warped idea of what those words mean and react in an unbiblical manner to eradicate them from our lives. Some of my family is very worried that my husband will be very controlling and that I will have no say in the marriage. When I explain that a man and wife always discuss things when they disagree and come to an answer that way, they say "that sounds good, but what about when you still don't agree? Who makes the decision then?" They've got a problem with the man having a final say, or authority, in a relationship. This kind of attitude is not limited to my family; this attitude is throughout America. What changed in our society to make it normal for a woman to lead a relationship? What kind of falsehoods permeate our brains to make women believe all men are inept at leading and are only power-hungry fools?
America believes that every man, woman, and child are created equally regardless of race, gender, religious beliefs, etc. This statement itself is ridiculous, but the intent behind it is not. Every human on this earth is equally important in God's eyes -- we were all, man and woman, created in God's image, and if any one of us sins and does not ask for redemption we will go to Hell. That is how we are equal. But to say "we are created equally" means that women can be just as strong as men and men can bear children. These are physical impossibilities, of course. Likewise, there are universally marked differences between a man and woman's behavior. Women tend to be more compassionate, more motherly, more emotionally-driven. Men tend to be more logical, more assertive, more of a leader. Now, not ALL women are like that and not ALL men have those qualities, and oftentimes a woman can be both compassionate and assertive, or a man can be both a leader and emotionally-driven. This is no secret; I am merely stating the pattern of male and female behavior from the past several thousand years.
Women's liberation believes women should be able to do all the things men do, and that includes having equally important careers and leadership roles. I agree that women were being held back from their potential and treated unfairly; however, the kinds of ideas that came out of women's lib are far from Christ-like. Women's lib believes that women are equal to men the way the statement makes it sound; if men can do it, women can do it too and should, often at the cost of losing the qualities that make a woman "womanly". While it is true that many women are capable leaders and think logically, it is a falsehood to assert that every woman should be expected to cast aside all qualities of womanhood and become a female in a man's role. This has lead to generations of confused women who are attempting to usurp the men and "do it all" by raising the kids and working the high-brow career. The social shift has only begotten generations of inept males and dissatisfied women who, instead of fighting for their rights as women, fought for their rights to be exactly like a man. This is far from liberating.
Why did most women fall into this trap? I believe there are three big sinful motivations for women coveting the man’s position:
Lust for Power. The Original Sin was lust for power. The only thing Adam and Eve did not have, as Satan put it, was the ability to "be like God, knowing good and evil." (Genesis 3:5) Be like God, huh? What did that mean for Eve? Did that mean she could elevate her status? She wanted Adam to partake in eating the apple as well, but what was her motivation? I wonder if she wanted Adam to share in the power with her or if she simply did not want to be alone in her sin. She and Adam were perfectly balanced in their roles as man and wife, so she did not feel the need to usurp Adam; no, she wanted more power, more authority, and the only way to do this was to be like God. After the fall, God cursed Eve with this dreaded text in Genesis 3:16: “Yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Oh no! So with sin in the picture, relationships are now inevitably unbalanced. Man has the authority, the power, and women will always want that power, but they will always want the male too. This leads to the next situation.
Fear. Since the men have the power over the woman, some women are afraid that the man will abuse his responsibilities and manipulate the situation so he can keep the woman down. With sin in the picture, this is a very likely scenario. It has happened too many times to count. When women hear about this kind of unfairness and abuse, it makes them want to change something. Here is the next situation.
Dissatisfaction in male leadership. Just as Eve lusted after power, Adam sinned by refusing to counsel her against her sin, joining her in it, and then blaming her for his indiscretions. Does this sound familiar? Many men have proven themselves to be incapable leaders, especially politicians or church leaders and their sexual affairs. After so much failure a woman wants to fix the situation. Instead of encouraging the males in the godly way, many women nagged them to the point of discouraging them from ever wanting to lead properly. Once these tactics failed, those women decided that men are bad at leading and they should do it themselves.
While these fears are often valid, the ways women usurp men is wrong. Society began to turn in favor of the dissatisfied woman and made men the brunt of the jokes. Men are now portrayed as lazy, inept, and perverted who are only good for bringing in some income, lifting heavy boxes, and making babies. Men are good-for-nothings in today’s society. They are easy to manipulate, nag, and seduce, and that is the way many women like them: easily controllable.
Now women have what they worked so hard to achieve, and they find out they are unhappy in their current situation. This is not surprising to me. In my next blog, I will discuss what a Christian marriage should look like in terms of authority and submission. Why are men the ones to lead? What does it mean to lead? What does it mean to submit? If women are not leading, what are they to do? I will answer these questions within Biblical context.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Modesty = Selflessness
I just read this recently from a fellow blogger: Modesty is a virtue. She described modesty according to its definition and encouraged her readers to think of it as more than just the way we dress. I completely agree with her. Modesty, by its definition is: “freedom from conceit or vanity; propriety in dress, speech, or conduct” (Merriam-Webster online dictionary). So why is it only seen as an undesirable way of dressing rather than a state of being?
Many women have the unfortunate habit of basing their worth on their looks; consequently, they are enslaved by vanity and conceited behavior. While this has been a troublesome area for women for many centuries, it became externally apparent through their immodest dress during the sexual revolution. Men and women alike were embracing their sexual drives before their marriages; as a result, other women started to feel pressured to be more physically involved with their male counterparts, because “everyone was doing it”. This led to the idea of the sexually alluring woman, who dressed very skimpily in order to attract a male. Many women sought after this look because they believed men expected it; many men expected it after women lowered their standards and catered to their physical needs before marriage. Soon enough it became the new standard and the media played off of it. The desirable woman embraced her sexual side before marriage and let every willing man lust after her revealed body.
The sexual revolution of the 1960’s was also accompanied by the rebellious teenagers disillusioned with the Vietnam War and their parents’ archaic ways. Any sort of association with the past seems to have been cast aside for an immediate pleasure like sex, drugs, and rebellion. The standards of the proper 1950’s and the morality-preaching church were mocked and discarded. Over time propriety seems to have been thrown out the window, as was the idea of chivalry and modesty. These ideas have stayed and worsened until now and they must change before they get worse.
I will discuss how Christians, particularly women, should view the topic of modest clothing and the mindset accompanying it. This used to be a real struggle for me until Christ took over my life. I would always try to find loopholes based around my own insecurities and selfish desires. I am grateful to God for changing my mind and heart so that I am a blessing to my brothers in Christ rather than a temptation.
9In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; 10But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. 1 Timothy 2:9-10
The modest mindset. As stated in the above verses, the focal point of a woman’s life should not be material possessions and looks, but Godly things like good works. A woman should first seek the welfare of others before concentrating on her appearance. This includes taking care of her family and the less fortunate. I do not believe it is a sin for women to braid their hair or wear a wedding ring or buy jewelry. I do think money is often wasted on overly expensive jewelry and clothing, which instead could be used to sustain the family and give to various ministries. I believe modest apparel stands for both the quality of clothing and the cut of it. It all comes down to intentions and selflessness when deciding what is appropriate to wear.
Luke 12:23 “For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.” What is the point of having designer clothes? It is typically a status symbol for people to feel proud of. I have bought some designer clothes at a highly reduced price because they are better made and better fitting than others, but my intention is not for pride’s sake. What is the point of showing cleavage, midriff, or upper legs? Most women do this because they are insecure and want to be viewed as a sex object. I do not ever think it is appropriate to willingly show skin in those areas. Sometimes things will make our modest dress immodest for a moment, like the wind blowing our skirts up or our cami’s slipping down, but those situations are fleeting accidents.
But how can we discern what is appropriate without feeling like we must wear shapeless blobs to cover up our God-given beauty? This is where the selflessness comes in. Would you ever go up to a male friend in just your underwear? No? Why not? It would very likely cause them to stumble, or be tempted to think about you in an inappropriate manner, or even to sin. I don’t believe you want the sins of another on your head. Do not EVER cause a male to feel like you, as a Christian sister, are a temptation. You know what men find attractive about the female form. So don’t display it, any of it.
It’s not my fault men look at me! I don’t ask for it! Unfortunately, animalistic men do find something about every woman to lust about, whether you intended them to or not. But if you are using this excuse to wear mini-skirts (as I used to do) then you are living in ignorance. What is your intention if you are not trying to get men to lust after you? Are you just trying to fit in with society and fashion? That doesn’t work well if you plan to follow Jesus. James 4:4 “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.” Ouch.
What about special events or bathing suits? Do not change your values based on a special event or pool party. If you would not walk up to a male friend in just your knickers, don’t walk up to him in a bikini or inappropriate bathing suit. Do you plan to be modest for every night except Prom Night? It is difficult to find dresses that cater to modesty, but that is no excuse. There are things to insert in a dress that shows cleavage, shawls to wear around strapless gowns, and the power to just say no to skimpy clothing. If you can’t fix it to make it modest, don’t buy it. It’s as simple as that.
What about other cultures and societies? Personally, I don’t know much about the dress codes of different societies. If you are going somewhere on a missions trip I would urge you to not change your values based on geography.
My family thinks it’s immodest for a woman to wear pants. I have heard different reasons for why a woman should wear pants. Some say it is unfeminine to wear pants and some say it is not good for a woman to reveal the shape of her legs. I just say treat your legs like any other part of your body; not too short, not too tight, and not too revealing. I love to wear skirts, but if a woman is wearing pants specifically meant for a woman I don’t see anything inappropriate about it. If she were wearing pants meant for a man then I would urge her against it. If you are still under your parents’ authority (or your husband’s) you should honor their rules. There’s nothing wrong with wearing only skirts and dresses.
How can men stay modest? Men should be examples of modesty to encourage the women in their lives to also be modest. Their mindsets as men of Christ should be selfless as well, and their dress should reflect that. Men should take care in displaying their body around women; women are just as attracted to the male figure as men are attracted to the female figure. If a man would not go shirtless to church, I would advise him not to go shirtless in a pool. There’s just no need for it. Men should also take care in not wearing another too short, too tight, or too revealing (especially of the arms and midriff). I do not believe men should wear clothing designated for a woman.
It is possible for women to feel beautiful and wear stylish clothing in complete modesty every day, as well as prom night. It takes a little bit of effort and a whole lot of resolve. The world will tell you “you’re unfashionable, weird, and repressed by ineffective church rules” – don’t listen! Always remember that modesty is a mindset and reflects itself in your Christ-like external appearance and good works.
Many women have the unfortunate habit of basing their worth on their looks; consequently, they are enslaved by vanity and conceited behavior. While this has been a troublesome area for women for many centuries, it became externally apparent through their immodest dress during the sexual revolution. Men and women alike were embracing their sexual drives before their marriages; as a result, other women started to feel pressured to be more physically involved with their male counterparts, because “everyone was doing it”. This led to the idea of the sexually alluring woman, who dressed very skimpily in order to attract a male. Many women sought after this look because they believed men expected it; many men expected it after women lowered their standards and catered to their physical needs before marriage. Soon enough it became the new standard and the media played off of it. The desirable woman embraced her sexual side before marriage and let every willing man lust after her revealed body.
The sexual revolution of the 1960’s was also accompanied by the rebellious teenagers disillusioned with the Vietnam War and their parents’ archaic ways. Any sort of association with the past seems to have been cast aside for an immediate pleasure like sex, drugs, and rebellion. The standards of the proper 1950’s and the morality-preaching church were mocked and discarded. Over time propriety seems to have been thrown out the window, as was the idea of chivalry and modesty. These ideas have stayed and worsened until now and they must change before they get worse.
I will discuss how Christians, particularly women, should view the topic of modest clothing and the mindset accompanying it. This used to be a real struggle for me until Christ took over my life. I would always try to find loopholes based around my own insecurities and selfish desires. I am grateful to God for changing my mind and heart so that I am a blessing to my brothers in Christ rather than a temptation.
9In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; 10But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. 1 Timothy 2:9-10
The modest mindset. As stated in the above verses, the focal point of a woman’s life should not be material possessions and looks, but Godly things like good works. A woman should first seek the welfare of others before concentrating on her appearance. This includes taking care of her family and the less fortunate. I do not believe it is a sin for women to braid their hair or wear a wedding ring or buy jewelry. I do think money is often wasted on overly expensive jewelry and clothing, which instead could be used to sustain the family and give to various ministries. I believe modest apparel stands for both the quality of clothing and the cut of it. It all comes down to intentions and selflessness when deciding what is appropriate to wear.
Luke 12:23 “For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.” What is the point of having designer clothes? It is typically a status symbol for people to feel proud of. I have bought some designer clothes at a highly reduced price because they are better made and better fitting than others, but my intention is not for pride’s sake. What is the point of showing cleavage, midriff, or upper legs? Most women do this because they are insecure and want to be viewed as a sex object. I do not ever think it is appropriate to willingly show skin in those areas. Sometimes things will make our modest dress immodest for a moment, like the wind blowing our skirts up or our cami’s slipping down, but those situations are fleeting accidents.
But how can we discern what is appropriate without feeling like we must wear shapeless blobs to cover up our God-given beauty? This is where the selflessness comes in. Would you ever go up to a male friend in just your underwear? No? Why not? It would very likely cause them to stumble, or be tempted to think about you in an inappropriate manner, or even to sin. I don’t believe you want the sins of another on your head. Do not EVER cause a male to feel like you, as a Christian sister, are a temptation. You know what men find attractive about the female form. So don’t display it, any of it.
It’s not my fault men look at me! I don’t ask for it! Unfortunately, animalistic men do find something about every woman to lust about, whether you intended them to or not. But if you are using this excuse to wear mini-skirts (as I used to do) then you are living in ignorance. What is your intention if you are not trying to get men to lust after you? Are you just trying to fit in with society and fashion? That doesn’t work well if you plan to follow Jesus. James 4:4 “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.” Ouch.
What about special events or bathing suits? Do not change your values based on a special event or pool party. If you would not walk up to a male friend in just your knickers, don’t walk up to him in a bikini or inappropriate bathing suit. Do you plan to be modest for every night except Prom Night? It is difficult to find dresses that cater to modesty, but that is no excuse. There are things to insert in a dress that shows cleavage, shawls to wear around strapless gowns, and the power to just say no to skimpy clothing. If you can’t fix it to make it modest, don’t buy it. It’s as simple as that.
What about other cultures and societies? Personally, I don’t know much about the dress codes of different societies. If you are going somewhere on a missions trip I would urge you to not change your values based on geography.
My family thinks it’s immodest for a woman to wear pants. I have heard different reasons for why a woman should wear pants. Some say it is unfeminine to wear pants and some say it is not good for a woman to reveal the shape of her legs. I just say treat your legs like any other part of your body; not too short, not too tight, and not too revealing. I love to wear skirts, but if a woman is wearing pants specifically meant for a woman I don’t see anything inappropriate about it. If she were wearing pants meant for a man then I would urge her against it. If you are still under your parents’ authority (or your husband’s) you should honor their rules. There’s nothing wrong with wearing only skirts and dresses.
How can men stay modest? Men should be examples of modesty to encourage the women in their lives to also be modest. Their mindsets as men of Christ should be selfless as well, and their dress should reflect that. Men should take care in displaying their body around women; women are just as attracted to the male figure as men are attracted to the female figure. If a man would not go shirtless to church, I would advise him not to go shirtless in a pool. There’s just no need for it. Men should also take care in not wearing another too short, too tight, or too revealing (especially of the arms and midriff). I do not believe men should wear clothing designated for a woman.
It is possible for women to feel beautiful and wear stylish clothing in complete modesty every day, as well as prom night. It takes a little bit of effort and a whole lot of resolve. The world will tell you “you’re unfashionable, weird, and repressed by ineffective church rules” – don’t listen! Always remember that modesty is a mindset and reflects itself in your Christ-like external appearance and good works.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
The Importance of Forgiveness: Part 1
There have been times in my life when I've been asked to do something that seemed completely contradictory. I was supposed to forgive someone who wronged me and show them love, yet the most loving act I could do was make it painfully clear how wrong their path was. How can you forgive someone and still call them out in their sin? Doesn't that mean you're still holding it against them and being unloving? Does forgiveness necessarily mean we have to trust and respect the person who wronged us? These questions are valid, confusing, and important to answer.
Let me first define forgiveness: the act of pardoning a person's sins or mistakes and not holding it against them ever again. It is to be given when a person asks for it, as often as they ask for it and as soon as they ask for it. It is NOT denying that the sin ever happened, or denying that your feelings are possibly still hurt. It is NOT giving the person approval to continue in their actions, or pardoning it by saying "it's okay, that wasn't so bad"; rather, it is saying "that was wrong, but I forgive you". Matthew 6:14-15 14"For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.”
Let's analyze the following Biblical passages. (All Biblical text comes from KJV, NASB, or NKJV)
Matthew 18:21-35
21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. 23 Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ 27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. 28 “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ 30 And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. 31 So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. 32 Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ 34 And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. 35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”
Matthew 5:38-48
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. 40 If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also. 41 And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. 42 Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away. 43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? 48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.
Why is forgiveness so important? Jesus wants His followers to be set apart and holy. Not only are we to forgive our enemies seventy times seven times if need be, we are not to lash back when they lash against us. This can be difficult to do! But God is with us always, and if Jesus was able to take insults and a crucifixion by his back-stabbing creation, we ought to be able to handle it when somebody offends us. If somebody slanders your good name, do not gossip about that person. You can defend yourself and ask them to stop, but they may call you a coward for not engaging back in the fight. To the world you seem like you are turning your other cheek, but in your heart you are giving them nothing. The approval of men means nothing in light of God, the Giver of everything.
Now, there is a difference between defending yourself and your loved ones and “turning the other cheek”. If you are carrying a paycheck in your wallet that you must cash to keep your family out of poverty and some robber tries to steal it from you, I don’t think you would be required to “turn the other cheek”, because other people are depending on you for that money. Likewise, if a husband is protecting his wife from a rapist, he is not to sit back and say “sorry, honey, I’m supposed to turn my cheek on this one”. We are required to protect those in our lives who need protecting, including ourselves. I believe Jesus was saying that if we have extra to give, whether that is money, materials, or our effort, we should give it. We can set a good example to our enemies by having the God-given strength to go another mile, to freely give up our material possessions and such because our worth is not set in this world. God can replenish anything we lose.
Forgiveness is necessary for any and every scenario. How are we to love those who have betrayed us and taken everything? Imagine yourself in a horrifying scenario: somebody brutally murders your family, ends up on death row, and before he is put down he asks to speak to you. He says, “I am so sorry, will you forgive me?” What would you say? I hope you would say yes. Now, imagine this worse scenario: a man brutally murders your family, steals your livelihood, sells you into slavery, and he lives as a king with everything while you have nothing. He comes down to your lowly quarters as king and asks you if you will forgive him, but is unable to change your current situation. Would you be willing to forgive this murderous man now? I hope you will say yes even in this scenario.
Most people find it easier to forgive someone when they have reaped the consequences of their sins; unfortunately, it does not always work out that way. In this case we can rest easy knowing “ 19Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," says the Lord. 20"BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD." If you think about it, before we accept Christ into our lives and cut out sin, we are just as bad as that murderous man. We have all willfully sinned against God, and each sin must be like a twisted knife to the heart to the most loving Savior who died to save us from such disobedience. If Christ can forgive us of our numerous trespasses, bad as they were, we can forgive those who trespass against us. If you choose not to forgive others for their transgressions, make no mistake, God will not forgive you (Matt 6:15). To me, that is much scarier than accepting an apology.
Forgiveness does not mean we forget. If you child steals money from you and admits it to you later, you should forgive them on the spot, but you should still punish them. God forgives us of our sin, but He still purifies us and teaches us the way of righteousness. If trust has been broken, it needs to be earned back, not given freely because the sinner learns that apology will get them out of trouble. The sinner who believes that will never truly repent to you or God. They will believe they can sin and get away with things and just “ask for forgiveness”, and they will be in the clear or go to Heaven. This is just as dangerous for them as it is for you. Do not allow yourself to be taken advantage of if a person proves they are not trustworthy; do not give your heart to a person who has smashed it; do not give your respect to one who has spit on you and your loved ones. What you can do is love them, reprimand them for their actions, teach them the way of righteousness, and forgive them readily when they ask for it.
Forgiveness is an act of love. God is love, and since forgiveness is part of His character, it would be wise to remember the definition of love and compare it to forgiveness whenever you are tempted to get angry or not forgive:1 Corinthians 13:4-8a 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. It is possible to forgive someone for the past, call them out on their current sins, and love them back to Christ.
(Part 2 posted on Wednesday, July 29)
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