Modesty = Selflessness

I just read this recently from a fellow blogger: Modesty is a virtue. She described modesty according to its definition and encouraged her readers to think of it as more than just the way we dress. I completely agree with her. Modesty, by its definition is: “freedom from conceit or vanity; propriety in dress, speech, or conduct” (Merriam-Webster online dictionary). So why is it only seen as an undesirable way of dressing rather than a state of being?

Many women have the unfortunate habit of basing their worth on their looks; consequently, they are enslaved by vanity and conceited behavior. While this has been a troublesome area for women for many centuries, it became externally apparent through their immodest dress during the sexual revolution. Men and women alike were embracing their sexual drives before their marriages; as a result, other women started to feel pressured to be more physically involved with their male counterparts, because “everyone was doing it”. This led to the idea of the sexually alluring woman, who dressed very skimpily in order to attract a male. Many women sought after this look because they believed men expected it; many men expected it after women lowered their standards and catered to their physical needs before marriage. Soon enough it became the new standard and the media played off of it. The desirable woman embraced her sexual side before marriage and let every willing man lust after her revealed body.

The sexual revolution of the 1960’s was also accompanied by the rebellious teenagers disillusioned with the Vietnam War and their parents’ archaic ways. Any sort of association with the past seems to have been cast aside for an immediate pleasure like sex, drugs, and rebellion. The standards of the proper 1950’s and the morality-preaching church were mocked and discarded. Over time propriety seems to have been thrown out the window, as was the idea of chivalry and modesty. These ideas have stayed and worsened until now and they must change before they get worse.

I will discuss how Christians, particularly women, should view the topic of modest clothing and the mindset accompanying it. This used to be a real struggle for me until Christ took over my life. I would always try to find loopholes based around my own insecurities and selfish desires. I am grateful to God for changing my mind and heart so that I am a blessing to my brothers in Christ rather than a temptation.

9In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; 10But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. 1 Timothy 2:9-10

The modest mindset. As stated in the above verses, the focal point of a woman’s life should not be material possessions and looks, but Godly things like good works. A woman should first seek the welfare of others before concentrating on her appearance. This includes taking care of her family and the less fortunate. I do not believe it is a sin for women to braid their hair or wear a wedding ring or buy jewelry. I do think money is often wasted on overly expensive jewelry and clothing, which instead could be used to sustain the family and give to various ministries. I believe modest apparel stands for both the quality of clothing and the cut of it. It all comes down to intentions and selflessness when deciding what is appropriate to wear.

Luke 12:23 “For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.” What is the point of having designer clothes? It is typically a status symbol for people to feel proud of. I have bought some designer clothes at a highly reduced price because they are better made and better fitting than others, but my intention is not for pride’s sake. What is the point of showing cleavage, midriff, or upper legs? Most women do this because they are insecure and want to be viewed as a sex object. I do not ever think it is appropriate to willingly show skin in those areas. Sometimes things will make our modest dress immodest for a moment, like the wind blowing our skirts up or our cami’s slipping down, but those situations are fleeting accidents.

But how can we discern what is appropriate without feeling like we must wear shapeless blobs to cover up our God-given beauty? This is where the selflessness comes in. Would you ever go up to a male friend in just your underwear? No? Why not? It would very likely cause them to stumble, or be tempted to think about you in an inappropriate manner, or even to sin. I don’t believe you want the sins of another on your head. Do not EVER cause a male to feel like you, as a Christian sister, are a temptation. You know what men find attractive about the female form. So don’t display it, any of it.

It’s not my fault men look at me! I don’t ask for it! Unfortunately, animalistic men do find something about every woman to lust about, whether you intended them to or not. But if you are using this excuse to wear mini-skirts (as I used to do) then you are living in ignorance. What is your intention if you are not trying to get men to lust after you? Are you just trying to fit in with society and fashion? That doesn’t work well if you plan to follow Jesus. James 4:4 “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.” Ouch.

What about special events or bathing suits? Do not change your values based on a special event or pool party. If you would not walk up to a male friend in just your knickers, don’t walk up to him in a bikini or inappropriate bathing suit. Do you plan to be modest for every night except Prom Night? It is difficult to find dresses that cater to modesty, but that is no excuse. There are things to insert in a dress that shows cleavage, shawls to wear around strapless gowns, and the power to just say no to skimpy clothing. If you can’t fix it to make it modest, don’t buy it. It’s as simple as that.

What about other cultures and societies? Personally, I don’t know much about the dress codes of different societies. If you are going somewhere on a missions trip I would urge you to not change your values based on geography.

My family thinks it’s immodest for a woman to wear pants. I have heard different reasons for why a woman should wear pants. Some say it is unfeminine to wear pants and some say it is not good for a woman to reveal the shape of her legs. I just say treat your legs like any other part of your body; not too short, not too tight, and not too revealing. I love to wear skirts, but if a woman is wearing pants specifically meant for a woman I don’t see anything inappropriate about it. If she were wearing pants meant for a man then I would urge her against it. If you are still under your parents’ authority (or your husband’s) you should honor their rules. There’s nothing wrong with wearing only skirts and dresses.

How can men stay modest? Men should be examples of modesty to encourage the women in their lives to also be modest. Their mindsets as men of Christ should be selfless as well, and their dress should reflect that. Men should take care in displaying their body around women; women are just as attracted to the male figure as men are attracted to the female figure. If a man would not go shirtless to church, I would advise him not to go shirtless in a pool. There’s just no need for it. Men should also take care in not wearing another too short, too tight, or too revealing (especially of the arms and midriff). I do not believe men should wear clothing designated for a woman.

It is possible for women to feel beautiful and wear stylish clothing in complete modesty every day, as well as prom night. It takes a little bit of effort and a whole lot of resolve. The world will tell you “you’re unfashionable, weird, and repressed by ineffective church rules” – don’t listen! Always remember that modesty is a mindset and reflects itself in your Christ-like external appearance and good works.